MIssing Training.

Let's just clear this up right now: YOU ARE GOING TO MISS TRAINING DAYS every now and then. Of course you don't want to miss it too often as it will become too common and your training will become derailed, but you WILL miss training. Perfection is not an option nor should it be. If you try to be perfect, when you do  miss just one day of training, you will be upset, overwhelmed, and then the Fuck it attitude will come into play. Before you know it you have missed a week of training.

Don't let this become you. What I am doing is giving myself a number of the amount of training workouts I can miss. I may not miss them all but at least in doing this I am giving myself some flexibility.  Case and point I knew this week I wouldn't get all my training days in because it was our 16th wedding anniversary and we were going to be gone from Friday-Sunday. This had the potential to take 3 days out of my training.  It ended up taking 2 days out. So, I got 4 days in rather than 6 but I am good with that. I enjoyed our mini vacation with no guilt.

Monday I will be back on track and I will get my 6 days in, you just have to remember there are days when life changes your perfect plan, and that's okay. If you cannot go with the flow of life some times in my case my wedding anniversary you are not living. Training is not supposed to beat the fun out of life. It is supposed to ENHANCE your life. For me it does every day and I never regret a run, or weight training and life just gets better.

Well I hope everyone has a great week! As always all comments are welcome.

Paula

Pushing Through

My training this week went great! I was able to get 6 days in and I felt great most days. The 5th day I was tired and mentally wasn't really wanting to train. I started to think "I could take a rest day today." This is typically my MO after a few days in a row of training. I would take an unplanned  day off, and that one day would turn in to 3 or 4  missed days. Before you know it I would be derailed again.

This time I just talked myself into going for a mile walk. I did it and before I knew it I had gotten 3 miles in. When I was done with the walk I was still a little tired, but mentally I felt so much better. I pushed myself and didn't let up. The 6th day of training I felt great I got my long run in and some additional training.  Pushing through even though I really did not want to made me mentally feel great and my training continues with no hiccup. Changing my thought process even if only to push myself to get 1 mile helped me and I got 3 miles in. When in reality I could have just went back to bed. If I would have done that though my day would have turned into a beat up on Paula day. One of those days where I am mad at myself for not getting my training in and by the end of the day I would have broke down all my progress and more than likely it would have been about 4 days till I worked out again, and those 3 days in between would not have been healthy physically or mentally.

Instead by doing my scheduled training I got another day in, took my planned rest day off and feel ready to start on Monday. This is not to say  I will be perfect I will have off days where I just will miss a training day I know that, but this week, today is what I am going to concentrate on and be happy with my progress.  That is all we can do, take it one day at a time.

Well, Happy Mothers Day to those mom's out there I hope you enjoyed your day as you should!

Have a great week all, and as always comments are always welcome.  Thanks!

Paula

Training

I was thinking today about what I was going to write on my blog, I realized that one thing I seem to do is start something whether it is running, losing weight, or blogs :). I start something ready to take on the world determined I will finish. I'm sure we have all felt this way at some point in our life. Ready to take on anything only to pitter out in the end.

Well, in 90 days I have a 10K mud run. This will be different than the many other races I have done. It is a combination of running and obstacle courses with mud. So, training will be a combination of weight training and running. This will take planning, healthy eating, plenty of sleep and most importantly a positive mentality.  What I don't need to do is over think it. My overthinking leads to second guessing myself and inevitably quitting due to negative self talk.

Even though I don't want this to be a part of if I finish or not; my depression is a part of my training. For myself one of the most important things when it comes to my depression is awareness. I need to be aware of when I am having a depressive episode. When I am aware of it I can do something about it. I can meditate or go for a walk. When I am aware of it I am EMPOWERED. I can  get thru my depression without derailing my training like I have allowed in the past. I am not a victim. Having depression for over 10 years now I have come to terms with it and realized it is a part of my life, but here is the biggie, it doesn't have to control my life. I am not saying to just shake it off. What I am saying is for me, through medication and certain tricks I have learned over the years, I know what works for me. We all have to do that, whether it is through medication, therapy, heathy eating etc. You have to find out what works for you. It's not a one shoe fits all. Mental illness just does not work that way.

So, for the next 3 months my blog will be heavy on training and possibly some healthy recipes thrown in there for good measures. So, we shall see what kind of trouble I can get into. :) I rested this weekend and binged watched Burn Notice.

The real work begins on Monday. Hope everyone had a great weekend, As always all comments are welcome.

Paula

Learning as I go.

I seem to be learning new things every day since I starting writing in my blog again. Writing seems to cause  more critical thinking. This is causing me to learn new elements to myself. I love this when it comes to writing and proves that I needed this outlet again.

Full disclosure I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression, General Anxiety Disorder or GAD, Panic Disorder, and severe insomnia. I have always said that working out helps with my illness and it really does, but I haven't, in recent memory, had that "high" that people say they get with a good workout.  I am sure I have had it before, but as I stated earlier this has not happened in recent memory. I woke up on Thursday morning ready to get my 4th workout in this week. I knew I wanted to push myself more as I had a 5k on Sunday (which went really well) so I pushed to get 3 miles in and I did. I noticed my outlook on this day to be different though, literally for the first 4 hours of my work day I felt great my anxiety was way down, I was more positive and the dark hue of my depression that I had lately seemed to dissipate.

This made me very hopeful.  Hopeful in the respect that although going off my medications completely may never be in my cards, I am hopeful that sleeping and my daily anxious mind, anxious to the point that fear lives with me daily, could possibly be controlled at some point with diet and exercise rather then medications. This is something that I really hope and work toward daily, but this week made me think that it could actually happen!

What this week has taught me though that consistency is the key.  In the past I have worked out or trained sporadically. This week I got 6 days of really good workouts in and have felt so much better. I am going to continue to work on this, and hope that I continue to improve on my overall feeling thru mindfulness, diet, and exercise. It will not be easy but I know it will be worth it.

This weeks blog was more of a revelation on my part, but it just goes to show that we are constantly learning new elements and awareness of ourselves daily.

Well, I hope everyone has a great week and as always all comments are welcome.

Peace,
Paula

Self Talk

Today I am writing about something I am TERRIBLE at: self talk.  I know self talk can be good, but I am talking about the negative self talk. I am great at supporting and giving my friends the kind of support and positive affirmation that I know to be true and will make them feel better. When it comes to myself though; I can be my own worst enemy.  My husband actually wonders why I can be so positive and helpful to others but when it comes to myself I never take my own advice.

Well, this week I worked at it so much more than I have ever worked at it before. During difficult workouts rather than say I just can't do this, I said this is hard but you can do it and each time you do it you will get better. When I wanted to just ruin my nutrition and say screw it, who cares, I said "if you want something you can have it without going crazy and eating way too much." I also asked myself "am I really hungry or am I having high anxiety?" I am creating self awareness for myself even though it is hard at times. It has helped a lot. Rather than saying I CAN'T have something I would ask myself if I really want it.

With this self awareness I also noticed how much better I felt when I drank water and ate healthier nutrient dense food. I was more positive and as a whole I felt so much better. I never said I couldn't have something because the minute I introduced negative words in my self talk the desire to binge eat was fierce. I just realized a couple things about myself this week. Positive self talk DOES work. I got 5 workouts in this week, and I ate a lot healthier than I had in a while. I will admit that I wasn't always the biggest advocate of positive self talk but I am rethinking this opinion and in the long run I will be a better person because of it.

I hope everyone has a great week! If anyone wants to follow me on Instagram where I am highlighting my health journey I am under pjamn # healthyjourney,

As always any comments or question please leave them below.

Weight Loss

So it has been a few years since I have blogged last.   For a while I was doing well with it, but toward the end it seemed more like a chore than something I really wanted to be doing anymore. My writing juices have been renewed and I am feeling more willing to write my feelings and thoughts out there for others to see. Some may think why not start a brand new blog? Well, I thought about it and since my blog has "My Journey' in the title I still felt it was accurate, you will have seen the ups and downs in my journey when I started writing to when I did not write and now back and ready to write again.

Today I want to talk about something that I have been seeing a lot over the years. The changing idea of weight loss.  Sometimes, to me,  it seems like when an ideology like this is prevalent to the public;  extremes just seemed to take over.  There are those that say "love your body as it is" or "you don't need to be a certain size." I LOVE  this idea, when it comes from a place of love. What I don't care for is when it becomes shaming or negative to those who chose to eat stricter and want to be in their best shape. Just because they want to not because society has made them feel like they need to be a certain size, but  is truly something they want. They should not be shamed for wanting this either.

Then there are those who are in great shape, but must feel something missing in their life that they have to verbally go after those who are heavier by saying nasty, unwarranted things to them. Two extremes and nobody wins.

The way that I look at it is we should be trying to build each other up. If I say I am going to work on my lifestyle as a whole and lose some weight due to health issues in my family. This should not make you feel jealous or hate. It should make you want to encourage me positively and be happy for me.  If I were to say something along the lines as "God I am fat. I have to lose weight and need to diet.  I am just looking ugly." My very first response is going to be 1,) No you are not 2,) Don't let a scale, or pant size signify how you feel about yourself..

If you go into a diet with this negative mentality the process and journey itself will be negative, harmful, and just plain hard and you will be in pain.  Pain because you are not loving yourself, you are beating yourself up and forcing yourself to diet.  That is a recipe for disaster. Believe me I know. I have done this many times and it has always come back to bite me in the ass. I end up gaining the weight back plus more and then feeling even worse about myself then I did before I started the diet.

Wanting to improve yourself through nutrition and exercise should not be this hard, but when you hear extremes from both sides it gets frustrating as hell.  Here is my choice and my goal. I know if I want to live a life where being healthy and fit  is important to me I know it won't be easy. But as my friend and mentor Trish Blackwell (http://www.trishblackwell.com) said "You Can Do Hard Things."  Nothing you truly want come easily and if I truly want it nothing will stand in my way to get it. So, here it is me knowing what I want,  I want to be healthier, fitter, and feel good about myself whether I am a size 14 or size 4, I want to start taking care of my body because I love my body not because I hate it.  I choose happiness over dark negative thoughts that will do nothing to help my progress and in fact will hurt all progress both physically and mentally.  I choose to work hard daily and choose foods that will fuel my body. I choose to live a happy full life that I want to live!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter and I will be posting once a week. If this resonates with you leave a comment below.

Thanks!

life gets in the way

I know it has been a while since I wrote. I have had a couple issues to deal with during that time. I had a full blown depressive episode that lasted for over 2 weeks. I haven’t had one in a while and it took me a bit longer than usual to rebound from it, but rebound I did. I was starting to feel better, when during my training, my Planters Fasciitis came back. I have been icing it and stretching, which has done the trick in the past, but was not working this time. So, I bought a splint/boot that I wear at night when I am sleeping and although it is feeling MUCH better, I am still not 100%. So that has hindered my training. Between these two issues, my depression and PF, this has pushed back training for me. However, I still plan on doing 2 half marathons, but because of my PF pain I am going to push them back so the plan now is a half marathon in late May and another in August. 

Some may wonder with my PF pain why I continue to do the running. This is my 2^nd bout with this but when it all comes right down to it I really love running.  If I didn’t like it this much believe me I would pick a different sport but I always come back to running so I deal with a bit of pain and persevere.

I also realized I like the half marathon length. The 13.1 miles distance seems to be my distance that makes me feel great. That perfect distance. I may just stick with that distance and hold off on the full marathon this year. Just keep working on the half marathon distance and becoming a faster runner. J  The half marathon just seems to make my soul happy.  And so therefore I will stick with what makes me happy. I plan on running some shorter races to help with my speed this summer, but my goal always seems to come back to 13.1 miles. J

Well, sorry I took such a long break but keeping up with a weekly blog when I have my training and work can be difficult. I am still going to continue to blog but it may be ever 2 weeks rather than every week. Well, for those in MN like me stay warm. We have been having some super chilly weather lately and I for one am sick of it. Have a great weekend everyone and as always enjoy the journey.