Balance

I’m grateful for laughter.

 

So, we talked about goals on Friday, today I have been thinking about balance. Balance when it comes to eating, training, personal life, work etc. How do we become an expert juggler in our life? How do we stop ourselves from becoming overwhelmed and anxious to the point that we give up? My advice, look at the things in your life and decide what is important. Whether it be friends, children, husband, training, writing, training, etc. When you really look at your life you will be able to decide what is important pretty quickly. We are all different as far as what is important.

Once you decide what is important to you take what is important and go for it!!  Absolutely do what is important to YOU.  Always keep in mind though what is important to you may be different than what is important to others and that is fine. If we were all the same, well, life would be pretty boring. Really what fun would that be?

So balance…. Take what is important in your life and juggle accordingly. Become a world class juggler and in the long run you will become a much happier person.  Honestly, what more is there in life than to be happy? To be able to look back at your life and smile with satisfaction knowing you did what made you happy because if we are honest with ourselves no one can make you happy; you are the only one that can do that. True, your life, will be enhanced by the people you bring into your life, but it all comes down to the choices you make.  Be happy that is my motto for the New Year, be happy. J

Just for reinforcement remember look at your life and what is important to you and balance it accordingly. In the long run you will be a happy person and therefore have a happy and more fulfilling life.

As always enjoy the journey.

 

 

 

Goals

Thankful for positive thinking

 

With the start of the new year everyone will be starting their New Year’s Resolutions. For me I call them a different name. I call them goals.  If I think of goals earlier I don’t want to wait till the new year to start making them come true. You don’t need to wait for a holiday to start something that will better yourself. In fact I started mine mid 2013 when I decided to do 3 half marathons in a year and now I have an additional goal of a full marathon in October of 2014.  It is easy to set a goal I have done that many times the hard part is following thru. So, when thinking of goals ask yourself what drives you. Why do you want this goal so bad?

So, let’s look at my goals. Why do I want to finish such a physically demanding race? A full marathon is no joke; you have to have the dedication to follow through.  So, why do I want to do this? Because it is something that I have thought about doing for about 5 years now, and something I have allowed negative thoughts to talk me out of because, guess what? I am scared. Being scared though is not a reason; it is an excuse, and an excuse to not live the life that you want to live. Do I want to look back on my life and have regrets or look back and say DAMN look what I have achieved!! I like the later of those 2; regrets are not for me and never have been.  I have pushed forward even when I don’t want to or life sends you difficult times I have persevered.  If I hadn’t pushed through I would never have gotten my Masters degree and that is something I am proud of.  The idea of not pushing through during that difficult time (it was when dad died) was not an option.

Just like in that case quitting was not an option; it is not an option in this case either.  I’m going through a bit of a melancholy time today, but tomorrow is another day and another day for reinforcement, another day to say I am worth it and another day to continue to work toward my goals for the coming year.  So if you really want to follow through with your goals or resolutions whatever you want to call them, go for it! I’d rather deal with fear and feel alive than deal with regret of what might have been. To me that is not even a choice. J

 

Have a great weekend everyone, and as always enjoy the journey.

 

No excuses

 I am thankful for having Christmas shopping done.

 

OK so I am one day late with writing my blog.  I won’t make any excuses just work on not doing that again. I am just going to write a really short post as it is Christmas.

Just some musings on my part:

In Christmas day past I would have thrown all my training out the window during the holidays with the excuse that it is Christmas and I have no time. This is not the case this year.  I am not saying you have to be perfect during Christmas time I am suggesting that if you do workout try to get some quality workouts in during this time. You will feel so much better that you didn’t make an excuse and you can enjoy the holidays. Christmas is I time to spend time with family so enjoy that!!

Well, that is all I wanted to say other than have a Merry Christmas, and as always enjoy the journey.

J

 

 

 

Depression

I am grateful for the ability to rebound from an episode more quickly

 I know I didn’t write a blog post on Sunday last week. Unfortunately, from Saturday till about Wednesday this week I didn’t realize it, but I was going thru a mild depressive episode. I didn’t feel like doing ANYTHING. I forced myself to train on Tuesday and did a real quick Slim & 6 workout. Then Wednesday I realized I was just down lately. This happens sometimes. For me, when I get this way the best thing is to get to sleep early and just do an inventory on how I was feeling on Thursday. I woke up feeling better, but still not feeling great. I forced myself to get up get a run in and do some weight training. Once I forced myself to do that I was feeling much better. Then that night I went to bed early again and got up and got a run in this morning.  Tomorrow morning I will get up and get some cross training in.  I think if I can continue with these morning workouts I can keep my depression at bay.

It happens every time during the holiday season.  I am sure we all are missing someone special in our life that is either not there due to distance or death, but we have to figure out what helps you during that time. For me I miss my dad but I know training daily in the morning is the best things I can do for myself right now. I didn’t always know this and there were times I didn’t catch an episode till it was too late and the depression would last for over a week. Living with clinical depression means being aware of your body and what helps you mentally when you need it. For me it is running, and training in general.

Although I was feeling really awful earlier in the week I am feeling much better just in time for the holidays! To spend time with those who mean the most to me.  Training in the morning is a big part of why I feel better. And now I get to enjoy my Christmas. I am one happy girl. J

So, my next post won’t come till Monday because due to Christmas I will be unavailable. This time it will just be late because I don’t want to interrupt my time with my family not because I had fallen into a depressive episode.


Everyone enjoy your Holidays whatever it may be and as always enjoy the journey.

 

Food

Thankful for my husband

 

So my training went ok this week. Missed about 2 workouts, but I’m okay with that. Today though, I am going to talk about a different topic, food. Food has always been the harder thing for me to do for my health. I can workout all day long but when it comes to food, well I always have excuses. Eating healthy and clean is something that is very difficult for me, and I will freely admit I am a junk food addict. So, what I am going to do is start by gradually introducing healthier foods in my diet week by week. In the past I have done it half ass but now I am going to, constructively, add healthy foods every week and my hope is to gradually be eating clean/healthy in a couple months.

So with each healthy habit I add to my daily diet (veggies, fruits, water, complex carbs) I will then get rid of unhealthy habits.  Chips, fast food, candy, diet pop etc… I am not going to do it all at once because I know myself and I know I would just be setting myself up to fail.  I refuse to do that again a gradual journey that is what I am going for with changes in my eating.

I also refuse to be a slave to the scale. I have a habit of becoming obsessive when it comes to the scale so I will only be weighing myself once a month. I do best with my diet and training when I am not zeroing in on a number on the scale.  Everyone is different but I feel this is the healthiest way for me to start to live a healthy lifestyle.  Not a diet, I despise that word, but a healthy lifestyle that will continue to help me with my journey.

Below I am listing a blog website entry that I read today and it seemed to resonate with me much more than other entries I have read about food in the past and I thought those who read my blog might enjoy it also. This blogger puts into words many things that I have thought in the past, but was unable to communicate it.  I thought listing her blog would be the better way to go rather than regurgitate what she says. Enjoy!

I have Christmas festivities this weekend but will write again on Sunday. Until then as always enjoy the journey.

Here is the link to Sophie’s blog entry.

http://sophieologie.me/2013/09/26/1200-calories/

 

 

 

 

 

Grateful for learning from my mistakes

 

With the start of training again I am adding something different to my running training. Something called Les Mills Combat. It is workout DVD from the same folks that brought you P90X and Insanity. I noticed when I was training for my first half-marathon last time that I needed more spice as running alone got to be a bit boring. Yes, I did add cross training but I changed it up I think too much at times.  This time I am going with the more organized approach by having a set schedule, not just with my running, but with my cross training also. So, the first month I will be adding Les Mills Combat to my training and then after the first month we will go from there. So, for accountability here is my first week of training, I plan to get up each morning and get this done.

 

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
LM Combat 30	LM Hiit Power 30	Combat 45	Hiit:Plyo	45 min run	Hiit: Power	rest day
	30 min run		30 min run

 

I learned a lot of things from that first half marathon. Although I have done a half marathon in the past; I did not document it in a blog like this. Therefore I didn’t learn as much. This blog has allowed me to put my thoughts down and really learn from my training. This is something I am very thankful for. Which is why I will be continuing with my blog I will need to continue to learn with each race to improve and that is my ultimate goal to improve with every race. Well, I hope everyone had a great weekend and as always enjoy the journey.

 

Lessons learned part 2

Grateful for recovery weeks

So I didn’t write until today because this has been a week of lessons. I started working out 2 days after my half marathon, big mistake. I didn’t realize you should really give yourself anywhere from 5-7 days off after a half marathon depending on how well your recovery rate is. Well needless to say after I worked out pretty intensely on Tuesday I was worn out the next day and couldn’t figure out why. So, I looked up recovery after a half marathon. I learned I did 2 things wrong. 1.) I didn’t give myself the necessary rest on my body before I started training again and 2.) Although I was drinking water I should have also been drinking some Gatorade to replenish electrolytes. Well, what do you do but live and learn.

I am finally starting to feel better and much stronger ready to tackle training again. I will admit making such a big mistake upset me. I kept telling myself, rookie mistake, and I should have known better.  It did depress me a bit and made me undermine myself some but I am better now. No one is right all the time and I have to keep telling myself that. I can be a bit (ok a lot) of a controlling person when it comes to myself therefore I am harder on myself. This is something I am constantly working on. It is not easy though. So, I will tell you what I tell myself constantly be kind to yourself no one is perfectJ. I will write more about my upcoming training with Les Mills Combat tomorrow but until then enjoy the rest of your weekend and as always enjoy the journey.

Lessons Learned

I am grateful for soreness after a half marathon

(because it means I did it!)

 

I did my first of 3 half marathons. The next 2 I will be doing in May of 2014. This is not my first ever half marathon or my best timed half marathon, but it is the first one that I have been in the right frame of mind to do a half marathon.

Lets back up first I finished my half marathon in the Twin Cities on Saturday, and for MN weather this time of year, it was a pretty mild 32-35 degrees. This is still the coldest I have run a long race in though. My time was over my 3 hour goal mark. At around the 10 mile mark my exercise induced asthma kicked in due to the cold. I had my inhaler with so I was ok but because of that those last 3 miles were brutal and slowed down my time considerably. Am I upset? After all I trained for months for this only to have this happen. No, I am not upset and the main reason is that I am at a much better place mentally than I have ever been in my life. I can look at what I did and say holy crap I just did 13.1 miles!!  It doesn’t matter if I ran, walked, jogged, shuffled, skipped etc to the finish line I did it!  I committed to this months ago put in the training and did it!

I also learned a very valuable lesson. I need to stick to warmer races for long races. Shorter races I can and have done in cooler months but long races stick to warmer months.  Now I look to future races.

I said I was going to do Insanity but I still want to run 3 times a week and I think the better program for that is Les Mills Combat which are fitness dvd’s that are martial arts, weight training, and HIIT(High Interval Intensity Training) not as intense as Insanity but will give me a good workout and I will be able to run 3 times a week.

Just a quick thank you to my accountability partner Pam whose daily emails helped me out tremendously and my friend Trish Blackwell whose weekly podcast were amazing. The positive feedback from both of them was essential to my training. Again anyone who wants a great podcast and inspirational website go here http://www.trishblackwell.com/.

Well everyone have a great week I will write more on Les Mills Combat later and as always enjoy the journey.

 

Musings before the race

I’m grateful for Thanksgiving and family

 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

The night before the race, and I think my mind if racing faster than my body will tomorrow. My mind comes up with extreme scenarios of what can go wrong; this is the worse part of an anxious mind. I’ve trained and now I am ready for the race. Could I have trained more? Probably, but that is hard to say as I always think I can do more and something better.  If I look at it from more of a neutral basis without my racing thoughts, yes I probably could have trained more but I also know I can do this race. Will it be fast?  No, but getting off the couch and even walking 1 mile is better than nothing, and I am run/walking 13.1 miles. No small feat.

 

So, what I need to do tonight is get my clothes together for the race, continue with the positive thought, and get some meditation done.  I need to continue drinking copious amounts of water and get some quality sleep tonight.  Before I know it the race will be done and I will have crossed that finish line. Not fast, but I will have 2 more opportunities to get faster and improve my time next year, and I will because I know myself and that is only whom I have to be competitive with…. Myself, nothing else matters.

 

I will be writing either tomorrow or Sunday to update how the race went.Next week I will be starting a rotation of Insanity and my blog will continue with that training. Have a great weekend and enjoy the journey.

 

 

Pure Determination

Grateful for treadmills

So we hit our first real cold spell in Minnesota this weekend. The temperatures ranged anywhere from single digits to just barely double digits above zero. Thankfully the race on Saturday looks like it will be in the mid 30’s which is a heat wave for this time of year.  So, my question was do I run in this awful cold or try and grunt out 10 miles on the treadmill?  I ventured outside on Sunday to see what it was like. So, the treadmill it was. Armed with “The Avengers” movie I started my long trek on the treadmill. Little over 2 hours later I was done. Was it hard? Hell yes, am I glad I did it? Absolutely.  I needed that long run to feel confident for my half on Saturday.  Now I know I will finish because if I can do 10 miles I can do 13.

 Why did I tell you about this?  Well the main reason is to prove there are times you have to grunt it out even when you don’t want too. I am also eternally grateful that my stubbornness I have been hearing about since I was a kid helped me in this situation for a change. J

 The point is we don’t always want to do something, but in life if that “thing” you don’t want to do paves the way for something you really want to do, in my case the half marathon you do it, simple as that. So, when you want to quit think of why you are doing this and what you want to accomplish with this. It will usually give you the kick in that butt you need.

Sorry, I didn’t get this post out on Sunday but honestly after the run I was beat and didn’t get much done the rest of the day.  LOL

 

Have a great week everyone, and as always enjoy the journey

 

 

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Procrastination

Grateful for colorful Fonts

Procrastination, this is something that I excel at. J  Last night I knew I needed to get a run in, so what did I do? I plopped down on my couch when I got home from work at 5:40 saying I will rest a bit here then get my mileage in. Fast forward 8 pm jumping up of the couch muttering a few choice words saying “I shouldn’t run this late but I need to get it done!”  So, I broke 2 of my cardinal rules:

 

1.)  Don’t work out late as it will be hard to get to sleep

2.)  Get 8 hours of sleep. 

 

Well I am not perfect and that happens but it was a reminder to me to either get up in the morning and run or run as soon as you get home from work.  Well I know that running when I get home from work didn’t work last night so I am going to work on getting up in the morning to do my training AGAIN! This seems to be the one thing I have the most problem doing is getting up in the morning and training.  Granted I have gotten my training done after work or in the morning but it has been a struggle at times to say the least!

 

I tell myself though at least I am getting it done and keep plugging away at it even when I don’t “feel” like it. I just keep working at it and that is all we can ask of ourselves. Even when we are struggling,  we are doing it and that is all that matters. I keep telling myself I am too stubborn to quit and I don’t look at that as a bad thing. LOL J There are those that may disagree but really not my problem.

 

Well, I hope everyone had a great week and they were able to start, continue, or improve on any program they are doing. The main thing is to just get up and move; in out busy society that is always progress. I will write again on Sunday after my long run before I start tapering, but until then as always enjoy the journey.

You're worth it!

Grateful I have the knowledge to work through my problems

 

Today’s blog post it going to get a little deep, but I think it is important. First and foremost you are worth it! That is what I want everyone to tell themselves when they are making some excuse not to work out.  Even if you are a busy mom and you think you shouldn’t take the time away from your children to exercise, tell yourself you are worth it!  Your children will benefit from you taking care of yourself. You are giving them a positive role model for them to look up to.  Each time you say “I don’t have time to workout,” “I am tired,” “I will do it tomorrow, or “I don’t feel like it,” you are basically saying to yourself I am not worth it! You are SOO worth it! Make this your mantra when you make up some excuse to not workout. Stop yourself and say, “No, I am worth it. Taking care of myself is important.”

 

This is something that I realized recently. My father was diagnosed with cancer and died within 6 months. I was not prepared for it and I was in complete denial that he would die.  Well, as we know that, in life, it doesn’t matter if we are ready or not. Life continues to move on. The past 10 years I have been struggling with my depression and anxiety and the whole idea that I am worth it. Struggling to understand why God took him and not me. Almost like a survivor’s guilt.  Since I already had clinical depression to begin with, it is not that far of a jump to feel this way and to feel you are not worth taking care of yourself.  It took close to 10 years to figure this out, but I realized this is life, this is what happened, and not taking care of you won’t change that. So, I am worth it. I am worth the 4 mile runs, the weight training, and the interval training.  I am worth eating healthy and getting plenty of sleep. I am worth it, and by not taking care of myself I was disrespecting dad’s memory. It might have taken me a while to realize that, but life is progress. You have to continue to look forward looking back won’t do you any good.

 

So, my half marathon is 2 weeks away.  This first half marathon training has been all about learning. Learning I am worth it. Learning what kind of training works for me, and having some bumps along the way. But it is all about progress to my happy healthy fit life.  

 

Well, I know these past 2 posts have been kind of heavy but remember I said I wouldn’t sugar coat anything. The next posts though will be much lighterJ. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and as always enjoy the journey.

 

water

 

I am grateful for my family

Today will be a brief post. Yesterday was a hard day for me. It is the 10^th anniversary of my father’s death. He died from cancer 10 years ago. The hardest thing with his death was how quickly it happened. We were not prepared.  Up until 15 days before he died we truly thought he was going to beat it. All the doctors were positive he was going to beat it, and I didn’t think about him dying as I truly did not think that would happen. Then October 31, 2003 I received a call from my mother stating the cancer was continuing to grow even through the treatment and there was nothing more the doctors could do. They gave him 3 months to live, he died 15 days later, and he had only been diagnosed in May 2003. 10 years later we are all still grieving in our own way.

Today’s subject though is going to be water, in honor of my dad. He always told me “You drink too much pop. You have to drink more water.” I, being a teenage girl, didn’t want to listen to him. Of course dad was right. As I train more and more I have come to realize that the days I don’t drink enough water my workouts are not as good, I am more worn out.  Of course the days where I get my water in I have kickass training sessions.

I still have a very hard time some days getting my water in and I always hear my dad say “put down the pop get a glass of water.” Now, as an adult I usually do put the diet pop down and grab a bottle of water. J The question though is how much do we drink. There are so many different answers out there. The one that I typically go with is half of my body weight and the days that I train I typically add another 20 oz to that number.  Not to say that I am perfect FAR FROM IT! But I try and some days I am unable to do it. That just means I try harder the next day. And I always hear my father say:

 

“Put down that pop and go drinks some water.”

 

Miss and love you dad and think of you daily. Everyone have a good weekend and as always enjoy the journey.

 

 

I’m grateful for beautiful weekend weather

 

I’m sitting at my desk drinking my chocolate protein shake after finishing my long run of 9 miles today, I was thinking about balance in my daily life and how difficult it can be, but also how essential it is. 

While I have been training for this half marathon I have noticed that when I don’t have a set schedule with time blocked off for my training; I either don’t get my run in or I end up getting half the mileage in that I was going to run for the day. Although personality wise I am pretty impulsive, this does not help me in my training. I will give an example.  A friend of mine a couple weeks ago asked me to do supper with her. Which one did I want to do more supper with a good friend or train? Hmm let’s think about that. I also felt like if I said no because I had training she would be insulted that I chose to train over her. 

We have all been in this situation, we know what we should do but we don’t necessary do it. Well in this case I said, “well I have to get some training in could we do it say around 6:30” and guess what she was fine with that. 

Balance You need your friends to help you relax, you have to work, you have to train, and you have to sleep. These are all essential. Just write down a schedule day by day that can accommodate everything in your life.

The last thing you want to do is look back on your life and regret that you didn’t do the think you wanted to do.  You had some burning desire to do these things but thought they were frivolous and have no place in an adult life. So what! Do what you want to do and in the long run you will be happy for it. Balance.

 

Hope everyone had a great weekend and as always enjoy the journey

Food

 Grateful for Good Books

Okay so I learned my lesson [again] that, while training, if you are not eating the right kinds of foods you are only hurting yourself.  I have always had more of an issue with food than working out. Working out I can do that, get up and move. Eating healthy, well there, I have more of an issue. Growing up I never had to worry about it, my nickname was “string bean.” I could eat what I wanted and not have to worry about it. Well, in my 30’s all of that changed. I am not heavy by any means, but if I ate the way I did in college that would probably not be the case. So, time to start eating the way I should. Fruits, veggies, and less processed foods have been added to my diet the last couple weeks.  How has this affected me? Well, of course, my training has been better and I have felt less sluggish.  Let’s face it we all know how to eat better and take care of ourselves better. No matter what ads you find in fitness magazines; there are no magic pills to eating healthy,  No matter how many different lies we want to tell ourselves.  Sooner or later we always come back to eating healthy.

Now don’t get me wrong I still have my treat nights every now and then.  Example tonight my husband wanted pizza. I was good with that because I knew I could get back on track afterwards.  It’s all about balance not extremism either way.  When you have a treat dinner don’t ruin it by eating like that the entire night, come home drink some water and if you are hungry later on have an apple. The same could be said the other way. If you are too strict with your diet that you don’t allow yourself time to hang out with friends, or in my case have a treat supper with my husband, life becomes too strict. I need to have some flexibility or it becomes more of an obsession and that is not a good thing either. It is all about balance,

Next blog post we will talk about balance not just in your eating but with your daily life.

 Well, have a great night everyone and as always enjoy the journey.

 

FYI: I’m trying to have more consistency with when my blog is written, weekdays/nights are super busy for me so look for my blogs to come out Fridays and Sundays. Any other posts will be a bonus for youJ!

 

Reaffirmation

Grateful for reaffirmation of goals

 

I was sitting in my living room watching the Vikings play the Cowboys and thinking about my blog. Wondering how I was going to put my thoughts onto paper, So, I am just going to shoot from the hip.

I got my 9 miles in today and I knew I would after I reaffirmed my goals yesterday, Let me explain, I received an email from the race coordinator for the Moustache Run yesterday just giving runners the heads up on a number of points for the race. One of the things that caught my attention was the limit for the race it is 3 hours, which I expected.  Now most runners would shrug and say no problem. I am not most runners.  What it did for me was make me anxious because I know this first of three half marathons I am doing is going to be slow. This first half marathon will be run/walk intervals, which I am fine with. My pace for my mile right now on average is 13:10 to 13:40 when I pushed it for a short run I did 12:30. Yes this is slow again that does not matter to me. What matters to me is FINISHING what I started.  In the past I have had the tendency to allow my anxiety to control me and not finish what I have set out to do. I will not allow this to happen again. I WILL finish.

When I started this blog in early October I said I am going to do 3 half marathon within a year and improve with each race. This is my goal and this is my reaffirmation to myself. I will do this. I am following thru with what I started. NO EXCUSES and my anxiety is not a viable reason not to follow thru. To use a common phrase, Fear is not an option. Fours weeks to go and I am feeling stronger and more confident than I have in the past, which is why I know I will finish under the 3 hour limit. Life is goodJ. As always enjoy the journey.

 

 

Supplemental Training

Grateful for challenging days. J

Today I am going to write about supplemental training and adding it to your main training. I have been doing some weight training and this week I will add Insanity in place of the supplemental training I was doing. The main reason I am doing this is to just keep my body guessing. I mean running is obviously my one constant, but I need some diversity though. So, to do this, I add it through my supplemental training.

Adding Insanity once or twice a week as cross training is beneficial in a couple of ways. The first way is to add some spice [see above] just so I don’t get bored. The second way Insanity is beneficial is because Insanity is a HIIT (High Intensity Interval) program. It will improve my endurance and help me keep on track.

Perfect!

I am not a coach for or affiliated with Insanity or other Beach Body products like P90X or Chalean Extreme. I just like working out at home and have found many quality DVDs over the years and Beach Body has plenty of them.  I have a lot of fitness DVDs as a whole. These keep me from getting bored.

The best advice I can give for training and adding additional training listen to your body. It’s okay to add supplemental training, but know your body and make sure you don’t over train.

Well that’s my subject for the day.

Train smart and enjoy your journey!

 

 

Meditation

 

I am grateful for insightful friends

 I had been struggling with getting quality sleep for a couple weeks now.  This in turn was affecting, not only me getting my mileage in, but also the quality of training I was getting. I had been talking to my friend Andrea about this during that time. She asked me to meet with her on a break on Thursday afternoon, because she had something for me. My friend Andrea is very much into yoga and meditation and she gave me meditation or mala beads. They are 108 beads that are in a necklace formation and help center you when you meditate.  You chose a calming mantra and go from bead to bead saying his mantra. She and her husband had made them for me. I was stunned. I am not used to others being concerned for me, and even with my anxiety and depression I am usually the strong silent independent type. So, to receive such a gift literally left me speechless. Which if you ask any of my friends so not like me at all! J

If I am being honest meditation is very hard for me. I have a hard time keeping my thoughts centered. Usually my mind is racing thinking about things I need to do an hour from now or the next day. Getting my brain to calm down is really hard. This is why I was having a hard time sleeping my brain won’t shut up. At this point I was taking a sleep aide and anti-anxiety just to get to sleep. This is fine as my doctor had prescribed it to me. I didn’t like doing it, as I didn’t feel like I was getting quality sleep.  So, when I received this gift I researched Mantra’s and came up with one that fit me.  Then 15 minutes before bedtime I took a half of a sleep aide only and meditated using the beads and my mantra.  What happened? I had the best nights sleep in probably a month. Woke up early feeling refreshed and did a short morning meditation and got a quick run in. Believe me when I say that rarely happens! When it does I am usually very lethargic and literally dragging myself out of bed. Today though felt completely refreshed and ready for whatever the day brought.

I may not know much about meditation but after today I am going to make a real effort to fit it into my morning and nightly routine. Thank you so much Andrea for this unexpected gift. I think it will help with my training but in the bigger picture I think it will help decrease my anxiety and my depression. Well, just wanted to share my experience with you all. Have a great weekend and enjoy the journey.

 

 

Fear

I am grateful for colorful nail polish J

 What you are grateful for day to day may change, but whatever you are grateful for write it down. Many times it will make you smile when you need to smile most.

Today I am talking about FEAR. This is a difficult subject for me since I have General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Panic Disorder. Fear, for me, is different.  Fear is a part of my daily life. I seem to be afraid of something all the time.  Fear for me is the root of all my excuses. These are just some examples.  I can’t run because potentially injuring myself. Insanity (high interval training work out DVD’s) looks too scary. What if it is to hard on my body and I have a heart attack? Seems pretty extreme doesn’t it? Hell even walking across a busy street my brain will go to the extreme. This is the way someone’s brain works when you have GAD. You are constantly taking a situation and thinking what the worse possible scenario is. Therapists call it Catastrophizing.  Looking at a situation and thinking something catastrophic is going to happen even when there is no basis for it.

 I don’t let it beat me though. I use deep breathing exercises to calm me down when I can feel myself starting to get anxious. I also use my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy instructions as a means to talk me down from my metaphorical ledge.  I have a much better hold on it than I did years ago or I wouldn’t even be trying to train for half marathons. There are those who have GAD and panic disorder much worse than me and it can be debilitating.  Thankfully with the therapy I have had this is not the case with me anymore.

 I will not allow Fear to control what I do in life. Life has not limits and anything you want to do you can do! As long as you don’t allow fear or excuses to derail you from what you really want to do. Have a wonderful week, and as always enjoy the journey.

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P.S. Remember anything I talk about in my blog is my opinion from my own experience. I am not a doctor or trainer.  I am the same as you, fumbling along in life to make my life better because we all deserve that. I implore you though if you need help get help. You deserve it!

Failure is not an Option

I am grateful for days off and sleeping in

 

I decided to change my format a little. Before each of my blog post I will write something I am grateful for today. Gratitude makes every day better.

 So, I was going to write about fear today, but on my day off I had an epiphany. This came during a moment when I was cleaning my office. I was going through all of my books and I noticed how many I had on fitness and nutrition. I also noticed I had put together binders with schedules for running, losing weight, or training in general. Normally I would look at this and say “Crap I am such a failure look at how many times I tried to do something and how many times I quit!”  Then probably run to the nearest gas station and buy donuts, gummy bears, and other fat and sugar laden foods. Then sit in front of the TV eating everything blindly switching channels until a sugar coma commenced. LOL oh dear, that is kind of embarrassing. but remember I said I wasn’t going to sugar coat anything.

 Today, though, I looked at it and went hmmm yes I have tried training before only to fail. I have bought numerous books on the subjects of running and nutrition and they sat in my office collecting dust. This wasn’t my first though. My first thought was running, fitness, and nutrition are important to me and something I feel passionately about or I wouldn’t continue to try and fail, and try and succeed. The first time I failed I would have just quit taken all these books to a local used book store and never given it any thought any more. But I haven’t I am usually always thinking about running and fitness. Even in my darkest days when I could barely drag myself off the couch let alone go for a run fitness has always been on my mind. For me it is not just a passing fancy that I will forget about in a week. It is something I feel strongly about and I know this will never change.

 So my question to you is what do you feel strongly about?  What is something that you have perhaps failed in the past but you are constantly trying to achieve? Something you think about all the time.  Don’t get down on yourself for the times you have failed or not done it  pick yourself back up and get back at it. When you do achieve it you will feel like you just won the lottery. Well have a great weekend everyone, and enjoy the journey.

 P.S. any comments on my blogs or suggestions you would like to see me write about it greatly appreciated. Just let me know in the comments section or email me at paula.applen@gmail.com.

 

Excuses

Yesterday I was sick and decided not to push myself and I didn’t get my run in. It was the right decision but that will be 2 days since I have run, and that is where excuses come in for me.  I take to many days off and 2 becomes 4, 4 becomes 6 and before you know it a week has gone by and I didn’t get any training in. This has happened to me in the past and it all boils down to excuses and how bad you want something.

I was the QUEEN of excuses… “Oh I am depressed today, work was crappy, didn’t get enough sleep, it is too late”…. Any of these sound familiar?  When a friend of mine suggested doing a half marathon in November I really thought about why I wanted to do it. What it came down to was I had to quit worrying about being slow or what others thought of me; I am not competing with anyone but myself. And in reality excuses for me boiled right down to fear. Fear of being to slow. Fear of people mocking me.  Fear of embarrassing myself.  So, excuses were easy to make.

 Well the more excuses I made for myself the worse I felt.  Which in turn triggered my anxiety and depression which made is SOOOO much easier to sit around and do nothing. I had the best excuse of them all. I was going thru a clinical depressive episode. Now please don’t think I am making light of this I am not, but for me, someone who is very aware of her depression and anxiety episodes, I was using it as an excuse.  I knew what I needed to do to help me thru this episode, but I would take the easy way out.  No more! Life is too short to not do the things you want to do just because of excuses and fear. So, the next time you cannot do a run really think about your reason to do your run. Is it an actual reason or an excuse? Be HONEST with yourself. It is not easy to do but in the long run you will be thankful.

 We delved into fear a little tonight but with my next post I will talk about that more. Until then enjoy the journey… excuse free.

What you think matters

This is just going to be s short write up today since I am beat. I got my long run in today, 6.5 miles. So I am halfway to the half marathon mileage.  Was it hard? Yes, am I glad I did it? Hell yes. It means I am making progress, and I am feeling more confident about being able to do the half marathon on 11/30.  And confidence and mind games are half the battle when it comes to running and doing races or anything for that matter. If you think you cannot do it well then you are right. You more than likely can’t. I have to remind myself of this daily, since I am my own worse enemy.  Other people can tell me, I am crazy for doing a half marathon in November in MN. They are not the ones that matter. What I say and think matters.  

So, remember that when you are contemplating doing a endurance sport, writing a blog, writing a book,  or any other goal that seems out of your reach, what you think matters.  If something seems particularly crazy or scary remember anyone that has done anything worth doing was scared at some point. They believed in themselves and kept trudging away at it, and made it to their destination. These people are no different than you  or I they believed in themselves and we can too.  Well, I am going to rest and chill the rest of the night.  Again enjoy the journey.

 

 

Thank you

I just wanted to say thank you to Trish Blackwell for pushing me to do this blog, and for mentioning my blog on her podcast. When I was unsure about doing it, she was always 100% confident in me. I am eternally grateful

If anyone wants a wonderful website to help with confidence and being comfortable in your own skin http://www.trishblackwell.com/ is a wonderful resource. Her weekly podcasts are inspirational and motivational.

Enjoy the Journey

Sleep

The importance of sleep in your daily life has been written about to the point of exhaustion (no pun intended). Today though, I am going to write about sleep in relation to training for a physically demanding endurance sport such as running a half marathon.

 Sleeping, for me, on a personal level, can be very difficult. If I get in 7 hours of sleep I count myself lucky. The primary reason is I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder or GAD and Clinical Depression. As I wrote earlier I won’t sugar coat anything when it comes to my training and lack of sleep is a big part of training. I’m not going to hide or talk around this, since that is part of the problem. People are afraid to talk about mental illness because of the stigma that comes with it, but by not talking about it you are just adding to that stigma. So, I will openly talk about GAD and clinical depression as it pertains to my training.  

 When it comes to GAD and sleep they are in direct contrast to each other. My brain won’t stop worrying about things therefore I am unable to sleep.  My brain won’t shut down for the day, and therefore I cannot get to sleep and am too tired to get up to train in the morning. When I don’t train in the morning I attempt to do it after work. This only works 50-60% of the time and I become extremely inconsistent with my training. So if you don’t get enough sleep you won’t recharge your batteries, you will hit a wall, and your training will get off track. This is something that has happened to me many times.

 There are a number of ways that I try to deflect this and “calm” down before bed time. These can be used by anyone whether you suffer from GAD or random insomnia.

 

1. Got to bed the same time every night as consistently as you can
2. 30 minutes before bed unplug for the day TV, phone, etc..
3. Meditation- which can be hard to do but if you work at it, it does the trick
4. Don’t train late at night it will actually wake you up
5. When you do go to bed make sure it is pitch black and there is no artificial light

These are just suggestions and things that I have learned over the years. If insomnia is something that has been going on for a long time do not hesitate to check with your doctor. Sleep is too important.

 So, make sure you get plenty of sleep that is on of the single most important things you can do for yourself and your body.  Happy training and may sleep be something that you have in over abundance. Until the next time enjoy the journey.

 

BONUS TIP: Drink 8 ounces of water just prior to going to sleep and it will help get you moving in the morning and be more alert.