It's been a while

I know is has been a month since I have written, but life has been busy this summer and then my computer broke down. Thankfully I have a computer geek husband who was able to fix it for me.

Since I wrote last I have done 2 additional races. I did a Mud Run at the end of August with my friend Molly. This race was not as difficult and it was a lot more fun! I was covered in mud, but I really didn't care. I had a great time and although I won't be doing a mud run next year; I would do this mud run again. I cannot say the same for the Steeplechase Mud Run, I don't believe I will do that again.

The second race was a 5k with my 19 year old niece that I did yesterday.  It was not my best as it was in the afternoon and humid so, my exercise induced asthma kicked in and made it more difficult. I told my niece who is 20 + years younger than me to not wait with me to go on ahead.  She did great and, although slow, I did feel okay about this race better than I had in the past. I think because I am looking at it differently. I don't care what my time is or how fast I am.  I am moving which is the most important thing.  I have 5-6 miles to get in tomorrow for my upcoming half marathon. Again, I know I will be ready I know I will not be fast, but I am using this more as a measuring stick. Next summer I have already decided not to do any mud runs. I want to concentrate on my endurance and getting more physically fit. So, next summer my goal is 2 half marathons. Okay, back to the measuring stick, I plan on doing 3 half marathons starting with this one in October and just see with each additional half (one in May and one in August or September of 2018) how much I improved. That is all I care about I could care less about being the fastest person in the races my only competition is with myself. No one else. I may do a 5k or 10k just to prepare next summer but I will not be doing any mud runs in 2018. Not to say I will never do one again, I am just taking a break and concentrating on my running and the additional half marathons.

Well, that is all that is going on with me. I hope everyone has a great week, and as always all comments are welcome.

Below again is my DeterMination donation for the American Cancer Society if anyone  would like to donate.

DetermiNation

Mud Run

I'm been thinking about the mud run 5k that I had on August 6th. I have been struggling with how to write this blog post because I always want to be 100% honest.  This race was set up at a former ski slope. I knew this, but I didn't think the race would use the most difficult slopes for the race. I was completely wrong with that assessment!

Let me be clear. I was at fault because I didn't train enough for the race.  I know even if I had trained for it the way I had planned to; I would still have not been prepared.  It was an extremely difficult course and I only did the 5k. It was supposed to be a beginner mud run! I've done a beginner mud run and I would have to disagree with their description. One of my closest friends who has done triathlons and other kinds of races said the race was much more difficult than she expected.

So,  part of me was disappointed in myself for not training enough, and the other part was like, "you took on way to much this summer and became way to overwhelmed and burnout is what happened." So, I have 3 more races this summer one more mud run (this one should not be as difficult), a 5k with my 19 year old niece, and then a half marathon at the end of October. Next year I am planning on 2 half marathons and that will probably be it. Being overwhelmed makes my anxiety worse and my negative self talk worse which does not help me at all.  It's time to just concentrate.  2 races for a season and work on my motivation and mental toughness.

Well, that is it, doing this race was one of many lessons I have learned in my life. No matter what age we are if we are not moving forward in life and learning from our mistakes then life starts to feel like quick sand and we are barely getting through. This is not the way I want to live my life so I will just smile and prepare for the next obstacle in my life, and continue to learn.

I hope everyone has a great week. And as always all comments are welcome!

Because of the races and the training I need to do in the next few months, my blog post will be cut down. Rather than every week, it will be every other week.

As always my link for the American Cancer Society is below all donations are appreciated.

Thanks!

DetermiNation

Chatter

My blog post this week is something that I have been thinking about for quite some time now and I wasn't sure how to broach this subject to be honest.

So, here goes nothing. I'd like to talk about something that has been annoying me for actually over a year. Chatter, chatter when it comes to weight loss and loving yourself.  People are always talking about those people who may need to shed some pounds. They tend to almost shame you into losing weight. Whether through a specific diet, or workouts it seems to be the norm these days, to be the extreme fitness fanatic. What I am also seeing through the beauty of Facebook is the other extreme. Those that say love your body as is. They almost tear into you if you say you are watching your diet and trying to be healthier, I've been told if you loved your body you wouldn't worry about eating healthier. That it is all in your head and that we as a society have been brainwashed to think we need to be a size 2. I have had to block people on Facebook that go for both extremes and take myself out of groups that I thought were nice places to talk about working out and eating healthy only to leave them because they were one of the 2 extremes. To me they were just full of bitchy people that were not helping anyone.

Let me be clear I do not have a problem with those individuals who are fitness fanatics, or those who love their body as it and have not desire to change their lifestyle.  I do, however, have a problem with those trying to shove their ideology onto others. THAT'S where I  draw the line. Trying to make others feel bad because I am not as strict with my diet as they think I should be, or those that openly take hits at people who are respected in the fitness industry who they have deemed a quack because *gasp* they are talking about a healthy diet and in their minds that is brainwashing them. Those that have 3 children and say "what's your excuse for not working out", or those that tell me I am not mentally strong enough which is why I listen to the newest fad (at least in their mind they think I do).

One of my favoring quotes is "Don't workout because you hate your body workout because you love it." Basically love yourself at any weight but if you want to improve your health and lose some weight go for it. If you are dieting and losing weight for the RIGHT reason, for you, then more power to you.  If you are saying every time you look into the mirror "I hate my body and have to lose weight because I am fat." Well, negative like that will breed itself in your brain and yo-yo dieting here I come!

I think that is why this subject of chatter from BOTH sides ticks me off because each side can be negative and shameful of others as a way to reiterate that they are right.  Quite frankly to be completely honest I have enough negative chatter in my brain that I don't' need to listen to others. The past couple months I have worked harder at quieting that chatter in my brain and work on my emotional eating.  When you have general anxiety disorder; emotional eating can be even more difficult, because of the extreme fear that never seems to be far away, but I m working on it. I am working at being more mindful. One example of this is:  when I think I am hungry am I really hungry? Not necessarily saying I can't have something, but looking at it in a different way. What I eat or drink and how it affects my fitness goals I have for myself.  Goals that mean a lot to me.  Then I take some deep breaths and decide if I am really hungry or not, and it may surprise you to hear the answer is not always no.  There are times I really am hungry so I then will eat something whether a piece of dark chocolate, or an apple. It will all depend on my hunger at the time and I am fine with it. I don't feel guilty about it. My promise to myself is to try to be more consistent with eating healthier.  Don't get me wrong I still have fun nights, like this Friday I am going out with some girls for Mexican you can bet your ass I am having some margaritas and again I am cool with that.  I am not doing it all the time so this is not a problem.

Eating healthy and working on my mindfulness are daily changes that I am making so that they become a lifestyle change not a diet.  It can be a struggle, but again it is something I want to do and  I will get there. I am going to emphasize this is what is working for ME! It may not be for everyone, and you can be damn well be sure I am not going to push it on anyone else.  You, the reader, will hear about my weekly challenges with food or training, but I am guessing since you come here to read my blog this is helpful to you in some way.

So, that is me venting about the crap I have been seeing and hearing about this for the past year.  Extremism for either side of the coin is not good and I get sick of hearing about it.  So, I will get off my soapbox now, I will admit it did feel good to vent. .  As always any comments below are welcome I will make this one caveat to that they are welcome as long as they are respectful. :)

Hope everyone has a great week and ask always my DetmiNation link is below.

DetermiNation

BBQ Chicken

My post this week is just going to be a quick recipe.  This is one of my favorites that is my go to when  I want the crockpot to do all the work. :) 

Hungry girl Slow Cooking BBQ Chicken

I usually will have it with a vegetable and no carbohydrate as the bun will be enough. If you prefer to have brown rice and no bun, either way works well. It is also great for leftovers.

As always all comments are welcome! I hope everyone has a great week and again my Determination link is below if anyone would like to donate.

Thanks

Paula

DetermiNation

July

Anyone who has been diagnosed with depression will have their off days. Many people find themselves more depressed during the winter months. For me that month is July.  Around Saturday I started feeling a bit down and I was like no biggie, no one is upbeat all the time. Each day after it seemed to get worse until finally on Tuesday I was groggy and really didn't want to get out of bed at all that morning. So, I dragged myself out of bed and sat down and just thought about what triggered this depression. It took me a second but I realized it was July. This has no significance to most but to me it does,

July of 2003 my father's cancer resurfaced and within 4 months he was gone. To give you a time line of how quickly this happened Dad was diagnosed with oral cancer May 2003. They surgically removed it and did a body scan and no other cancer was detected.  We breathed a sigh of relief, a relief that didn't last. July, just a month and a half later it came back. The doctors kept telling us it was treatable and that everything would be fine. He had surgery again, and this time he had a round of chemotherapy and a round of radiation.  He was sick from the treatment. but as long as it did the trick and saved him we knew it would be worth it. October 31, 2003 we found out that there was nothing more that could be done and he had 3 months to live, 15 days later her was gone.

So, looking at this timeline, July is a month that majorly triggers my depression. You would think that the initial diagnosis date would do that, but it is July more. One way I try to explain this is it was like Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football. Right when we were getting our footing again and things were looking up *BAM* cancer struck again. The football was taken away right when we were trying to kick it.

After 13 years I am getting better. I am better at using my therapy to make sure it does not become a 2-3 weeks episode like in the past. This time it lasted 4 days. I am not a pacifist when it comes to my depression, when I realize the signs I attack it with meditation, movement, and diet. I know if  I'm not aware of it 2-3 weeks of my life will go up in smoke! Puff! I won't let that happen again.

Awareness for me is key when it comes to my Depression.

So, although this months sucks for me I know it will suck next year too. My depression is a part of who I am. Awareness and mindfulness are key for me. I am making it through another July, and this year I didn't lose much time in the process. I'd say that is a win in my book.

Well, my food journey has been going ok, but each day is a new day to improve.  Next week I will have a new recipe to try so stay tuned.

Well, I hope everyone has a great week as always all comments are welcome.

My DeterMination  link for the American Cancer Society is below again, if anyone would like to donate. Thank you,

Paula

DeterMination

yummy

This is going to be a quick post and then I will post the yummy healthy recipe I made tonight.

Cutting out sweets this week did not go so well. It was a lot harder than I anticipated so I will work on doing it for another week. By doing this I hope to curb my dependence on sweets, and have healthy options available when I have what I call "needing a sugar fix." Drink water or eat some fruit are some ideas that I hope will help. I'll be honest, when you work from home it can be harder to control your eating because you do a lot more mindless eating. This week my plan is to work on mindfulness when it comes to eating I need to be more aware of what I am putting in my mouth when I am staring at my monitor. My plan is to have little reminders around my monitor so that when I grab for something to eat I will ask myself am I really hungry or not. If I give myself that minute to think about I will make better decisions throughout the week.

Caffeine update: This week was actually harder than the first week, I didn't give in and have a Diet Mountain Dew but it was tempting. Headaches were pretty bad this week but I will keep plugging away at. I have read it takes 1 month for withdrawals symptoms to go away so 2 weeks down 2 weeks to go! 

Training for the half marathon continues, some weeks are better than others but I keep plugging away. :)

Alright so everyone have a great Independence Day and as promised here is the meal that I made tonight. It was so good. I have a Skinnytaste cookbook and this was really yummy. I plan to make more in the future.

Chicken Enchillades Skinnytaste

As always any comments are welcome, and here again is my DetermiNation page all donations are welcome.

Paula

DetermiNation American Cancer Society

Gradual

I decided to change the day to write in my blog to Mondays. Sundays always seem so busy trying to get ready for the week that I always seem to forget about, so Monday it is.

So, I wrote in my blog last week, I was going to work on cleaning up my diet. Well best laid plans....After eating super healthy one day; I decided I needed to be more gradual with this. My # 1 priority is my running and I knew if I did to much at one time I would be setting myself up to fail. So, last Tuesday I gave up caffeine. Many may not thing this was difficult, but for me it was very hard. I was a Diet Dew drinker. I don't drink coffee so if I was dragging I reached for my Diet Dew. I would usually have a couple per day. Tuesday wasn't bad. Wednesday I started to get the headaches which I was prepared for. What I wasn't prepared for was how tired I was. So tired that at some point I almost face planted on my keyboard a couple times during work. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so tired. At one point I thought I was sick, but I was not, just wiped out. I also couldn't concentrate which can be a symptom of my anxiety, but not in this case. I couldn't concentrate because of how exhausted I was.

I decided to look up caffeine withdrawal symptom's. Wouldn't you know it? Extreme tiredness and failure to concentrate were at the top of the list. Around Friday I started to feel better and by Monday I am feeling so much better. It made me realize I never want to go through that again. So now my drink of choice is water

My list to gradually getting healthier is as follows:

• Week 1-Quit drinking caffeine-DONE
• Week 2-Stop eating candy and sweets
• Week 3-Cut down on simple carbs and try to eat complex carbs as much as possible
• Week4- Try to Eat only whole foods in my diet

This week my goal is to cut out sweets and candy starting tomorrow. I know I won't be perfect, no one is. I know that if I can gradually start changing my diet, by the 5th week I should be eating mostly fruits, veggie, healthy fats, lean protein, and complex carbs. If I have to I may need to do more than one week for a group, but if I do I know this is what I need to do to change my diet. An example is doing two weeks for sweets. This is what I think will work for me. Everyone has to chose a way that will work for themselves, this for me, is not a diet, but a gradual lifestyle change.

As always if anyone has any questions or comments leave them below,  my link for my fundraising will be below also if anyone want to donate. I hope everyone has a great week and will write more on my journey next Monday.

Paula

DetermiNation

taking better care if mysef.

Sorry I didn't write last week summer is flying by and I don't have the brakes to stop it!

I decided this week that I need to start taking better care of myself or I am not going to be able to do all my races this summer. I am going to test myself in the next few weeks and try something different that could help me both mentally and physically. Like this week I am going to really clean up my diet and try to eat whole healthy foods.  I will write down how I feel throughout the day. My goal is to see if my anxiety and depression are directly affected by my diet.

Changing my diet will also have a direct influence on my pre-diabetes. My family's genetic makeup, when it comes to diabetes, is very strong.  My mom, who is a nurse, has told me it's not if I get diabetes but when. Well, I am a bit stubborn and I really don't want to go on medication until I absolutely have to. To do this I have to take better care of myself by changing my diet. Although this sounds pretty simple; I  know it will not be easy, but I know in the long run it will be worth it.

So, here is my plan the next few weeks, try something new or something I have tried in the past to take care of myself. Whether it is meditation, yoga, watching less TV, journaling etc. I will try it and write in my blog about it each week.  If anyone has any ideas to better take care of myself leave it in the comments please.

My hope is that, maybe through brainstorming, I can try some new, healthy habits and others will learn from it.

Well, hope everyone had a good weekend., and always all comments are welcome.

I will be attaching my link to my donation page for DetermiNation, If anyone would like to donate all are welcome.

Thanks.

DetermiNation

DetermiNation

I am writing a short post this week and it as follows:

Okay as many of you know I have a very personal interest in eradicating cancer. :) My father died over 13 years ago from this disease. So, I am very happy to say I am working with DetermiNation again to raise money for cancer research. I will be doing the Mankato Half Marathon on 10/22/17 and by doing so raising money for a great cause. If anyone would like to donate I am attaching my fundraising page. Every little bit helps! When donating if anyone would like to reference a survivor or in memory of I will be wearing ribbons on race day with those names on it! Thank you!

Link to donate

Sometimes you just need a massage

My intent has always been to write every Sunday to be consistent. Unfortunately life got in the way this past Sunday. Some how I tweaked my neck. For the past week I have been unable to turn my head with out pain. Sometimes with training things like this happen and you have no idea how it happened. This was the case for me. I was using Advil, Tylenol and a heating pad for days and it did not seem to be getting better. Saturday I had a 5k. I knew running was not in the cards as it would just make it worse. Rather than forfeit the race or the experience, my friend and I just walked it at a brisk pace. We chatted the entire time and before we knew it 3.1 miles were done. It was fun, and I know that getting out there and moving was better than sitting on the couch. Always remember that.

Sunday my neck was still sore and stiff. Sitting up from a prone position was difficult.  My husband suggested a massage. This is something that I have done in the past while training, but had neglected to add to my training this time around.  After the massage my neck every day since has gotten better. Today it is almost 100%. My point to this short blog post is to remind everyone working out is great, but you also need to take care of yourself. This holds true whether training for a specific sport or just your normal wear and tear on the body from daily workouts. YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Massages are good way to do that. Just like drinking water and stretching, massages can make daily training easier. Don't wait until you actually have an injury like I did. With my training I am going to include monthly massage and hopefully I don't have anymore setbacks. Just remember do what is right for you, listen to your body and life is easier. :)

Well, I hope everyone is having a great week, as always all comments are welcome.

Thanks,

Paula

MIssing Training.

Let's just clear this up right now: YOU ARE GOING TO MISS TRAINING DAYS every now and then. Of course you don't want to miss it too often as it will become too common and your training will become derailed, but you WILL miss training. Perfection is not an option nor should it be. If you try to be perfect, when you do  miss just one day of training, you will be upset, overwhelmed, and then the Fuck it attitude will come into play. Before you know it you have missed a week of training.

Don't let this become you. What I am doing is giving myself a number of the amount of training workouts I can miss. I may not miss them all but at least in doing this I am giving myself some flexibility.  Case and point I knew this week I wouldn't get all my training days in because it was our 16th wedding anniversary and we were going to be gone from Friday-Sunday. This had the potential to take 3 days out of my training.  It ended up taking 2 days out. So, I got 4 days in rather than 6 but I am good with that. I enjoyed our mini vacation with no guilt.

Monday I will be back on track and I will get my 6 days in, you just have to remember there are days when life changes your perfect plan, and that's okay. If you cannot go with the flow of life some times in my case my wedding anniversary you are not living. Training is not supposed to beat the fun out of life. It is supposed to ENHANCE your life. For me it does every day and I never regret a run, or weight training and life just gets better.

Well I hope everyone has a great week! As always all comments are welcome.

Paula

Pushing Through

My training this week went great! I was able to get 6 days in and I felt great most days. The 5th day I was tired and mentally wasn't really wanting to train. I started to think "I could take a rest day today." This is typically my MO after a few days in a row of training. I would take an unplanned  day off, and that one day would turn in to 3 or 4  missed days. Before you know it I would be derailed again.

This time I just talked myself into going for a mile walk. I did it and before I knew it I had gotten 3 miles in. When I was done with the walk I was still a little tired, but mentally I felt so much better. I pushed myself and didn't let up. The 6th day of training I felt great I got my long run in and some additional training.  Pushing through even though I really did not want to made me mentally feel great and my training continues with no hiccup. Changing my thought process even if only to push myself to get 1 mile helped me and I got 3 miles in. When in reality I could have just went back to bed. If I would have done that though my day would have turned into a beat up on Paula day. One of those days where I am mad at myself for not getting my training in and by the end of the day I would have broke down all my progress and more than likely it would have been about 4 days till I worked out again, and those 3 days in between would not have been healthy physically or mentally.

Instead by doing my scheduled training I got another day in, took my planned rest day off and feel ready to start on Monday. This is not to say  I will be perfect I will have off days where I just will miss a training day I know that, but this week, today is what I am going to concentrate on and be happy with my progress.  That is all we can do, take it one day at a time.

Well, Happy Mothers Day to those mom's out there I hope you enjoyed your day as you should!

Have a great week all, and as always comments are always welcome.  Thanks!

Paula

Training

I was thinking today about what I was going to write on my blog, I realized that one thing I seem to do is start something whether it is running, losing weight, or blogs :). I start something ready to take on the world determined I will finish. I'm sure we have all felt this way at some point in our life. Ready to take on anything only to pitter out in the end.

Well, in 90 days I have a 10K mud run. This will be different than the many other races I have done. It is a combination of running and obstacle courses with mud. So, training will be a combination of weight training and running. This will take planning, healthy eating, plenty of sleep and most importantly a positive mentality.  What I don't need to do is over think it. My overthinking leads to second guessing myself and inevitably quitting due to negative self talk.

Even though I don't want this to be a part of if I finish or not; my depression is a part of my training. For myself one of the most important things when it comes to my depression is awareness. I need to be aware of when I am having a depressive episode. When I am aware of it I can do something about it. I can meditate or go for a walk. When I am aware of it I am EMPOWERED. I can  get thru my depression without derailing my training like I have allowed in the past. I am not a victim. Having depression for over 10 years now I have come to terms with it and realized it is a part of my life, but here is the biggie, it doesn't have to control my life. I am not saying to just shake it off. What I am saying is for me, through medication and certain tricks I have learned over the years, I know what works for me. We all have to do that, whether it is through medication, therapy, heathy eating etc. You have to find out what works for you. It's not a one shoe fits all. Mental illness just does not work that way.

So, for the next 3 months my blog will be heavy on training and possibly some healthy recipes thrown in there for good measures. So, we shall see what kind of trouble I can get into. :) I rested this weekend and binged watched Burn Notice.

The real work begins on Monday. Hope everyone had a great weekend, As always all comments are welcome.

Paula

Learning as I go.

I seem to be learning new things every day since I starting writing in my blog again. Writing seems to cause  more critical thinking. This is causing me to learn new elements to myself. I love this when it comes to writing and proves that I needed this outlet again.

Full disclosure I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression, General Anxiety Disorder or GAD, Panic Disorder, and severe insomnia. I have always said that working out helps with my illness and it really does, but I haven't, in recent memory, had that "high" that people say they get with a good workout.  I am sure I have had it before, but as I stated earlier this has not happened in recent memory. I woke up on Thursday morning ready to get my 4th workout in this week. I knew I wanted to push myself more as I had a 5k on Sunday (which went really well) so I pushed to get 3 miles in and I did. I noticed my outlook on this day to be different though, literally for the first 4 hours of my work day I felt great my anxiety was way down, I was more positive and the dark hue of my depression that I had lately seemed to dissipate.

This made me very hopeful.  Hopeful in the respect that although going off my medications completely may never be in my cards, I am hopeful that sleeping and my daily anxious mind, anxious to the point that fear lives with me daily, could possibly be controlled at some point with diet and exercise rather then medications. This is something that I really hope and work toward daily, but this week made me think that it could actually happen!

What this week has taught me though that consistency is the key.  In the past I have worked out or trained sporadically. This week I got 6 days of really good workouts in and have felt so much better. I am going to continue to work on this, and hope that I continue to improve on my overall feeling thru mindfulness, diet, and exercise. It will not be easy but I know it will be worth it.

This weeks blog was more of a revelation on my part, but it just goes to show that we are constantly learning new elements and awareness of ourselves daily.

Well, I hope everyone has a great week and as always all comments are welcome.

Peace,
Paula

Self Talk

Today I am writing about something I am TERRIBLE at: self talk.  I know self talk can be good, but I am talking about the negative self talk. I am great at supporting and giving my friends the kind of support and positive affirmation that I know to be true and will make them feel better. When it comes to myself though; I can be my own worst enemy.  My husband actually wonders why I can be so positive and helpful to others but when it comes to myself I never take my own advice.

Well, this week I worked at it so much more than I have ever worked at it before. During difficult workouts rather than say I just can't do this, I said this is hard but you can do it and each time you do it you will get better. When I wanted to just ruin my nutrition and say screw it, who cares, I said "if you want something you can have it without going crazy and eating way too much." I also asked myself "am I really hungry or am I having high anxiety?" I am creating self awareness for myself even though it is hard at times. It has helped a lot. Rather than saying I CAN'T have something I would ask myself if I really want it.

With this self awareness I also noticed how much better I felt when I drank water and ate healthier nutrient dense food. I was more positive and as a whole I felt so much better. I never said I couldn't have something because the minute I introduced negative words in my self talk the desire to binge eat was fierce. I just realized a couple things about myself this week. Positive self talk DOES work. I got 5 workouts in this week, and I ate a lot healthier than I had in a while. I will admit that I wasn't always the biggest advocate of positive self talk but I am rethinking this opinion and in the long run I will be a better person because of it.

I hope everyone has a great week! If anyone wants to follow me on Instagram where I am highlighting my health journey I am under pjamn # healthyjourney,

As always any comments or question please leave them below.

Weight Loss

So it has been a few years since I have blogged last.   For a while I was doing well with it, but toward the end it seemed more like a chore than something I really wanted to be doing anymore. My writing juices have been renewed and I am feeling more willing to write my feelings and thoughts out there for others to see. Some may think why not start a brand new blog? Well, I thought about it and since my blog has "My Journey' in the title I still felt it was accurate, you will have seen the ups and downs in my journey when I started writing to when I did not write and now back and ready to write again.

Today I want to talk about something that I have been seeing a lot over the years. The changing idea of weight loss.  Sometimes, to me,  it seems like when an ideology like this is prevalent to the public;  extremes just seemed to take over.  There are those that say "love your body as it is" or "you don't need to be a certain size." I LOVE  this idea, when it comes from a place of love. What I don't care for is when it becomes shaming or negative to those who chose to eat stricter and want to be in their best shape. Just because they want to not because society has made them feel like they need to be a certain size, but  is truly something they want. They should not be shamed for wanting this either.

Then there are those who are in great shape, but must feel something missing in their life that they have to verbally go after those who are heavier by saying nasty, unwarranted things to them. Two extremes and nobody wins.

The way that I look at it is we should be trying to build each other up. If I say I am going to work on my lifestyle as a whole and lose some weight due to health issues in my family. This should not make you feel jealous or hate. It should make you want to encourage me positively and be happy for me.  If I were to say something along the lines as "God I am fat. I have to lose weight and need to diet.  I am just looking ugly." My very first response is going to be 1,) No you are not 2,) Don't let a scale, or pant size signify how you feel about yourself..

If you go into a diet with this negative mentality the process and journey itself will be negative, harmful, and just plain hard and you will be in pain.  Pain because you are not loving yourself, you are beating yourself up and forcing yourself to diet.  That is a recipe for disaster. Believe me I know. I have done this many times and it has always come back to bite me in the ass. I end up gaining the weight back plus more and then feeling even worse about myself then I did before I started the diet.

Wanting to improve yourself through nutrition and exercise should not be this hard, but when you hear extremes from both sides it gets frustrating as hell.  Here is my choice and my goal. I know if I want to live a life where being healthy and fit  is important to me I know it won't be easy. But as my friend and mentor Trish Blackwell (http://www.trishblackwell.com) said "You Can Do Hard Things."  Nothing you truly want come easily and if I truly want it nothing will stand in my way to get it. So, here it is me knowing what I want,  I want to be healthier, fitter, and feel good about myself whether I am a size 14 or size 4, I want to start taking care of my body because I love my body not because I hate it.  I choose happiness over dark negative thoughts that will do nothing to help my progress and in fact will hurt all progress both physically and mentally.  I choose to work hard daily and choose foods that will fuel my body. I choose to live a happy full life that I want to live!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter and I will be posting once a week. If this resonates with you leave a comment below.

Thanks!